My Child with Autism Hates Going to School. What Should I Do?
Your child with autism is refusing to go to school, and you wake up every day dreading the battle that awaits. Eating breakfast, getting dressed, and doing the school commute feel like warfare, and that's before the question of homework is raised that evening. You feel at a loss about what to do, how to ease your student's discomfort, and wonder if they'll ever enjoy their school years. If this sounds familiar, don’t feel guilty, because you’re not alone. Many parents have found themselves in the same position. "School refusal" is relatively common among children and teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
Signs of School Refusal
Some young people with ASD may struggle to verbalize their objections around going to school or may not consciously realize why they don't want to go. Others may try other methods if they have unsuccessfully clashed with caregivers before over the topic. Frequently seen behaviors include:
Stomach aches or headaches that only occur on school days
"Hiding" in or under their bed
Refusing to go to sleep the night before
Temper tantrums
High levels of aggression
Panic attacks
Common Causes of School Refusal
A certain amount of rebellion is healthy, especially as children grow up, but outright refusal by adolescents with ASD is typically caused by one or many of the following reasons:
Sensory overload
Separation from parents / attachment figure
Changes with classroom, teacher, or timetable
Performance anxiety
Bullying or conflict with peers
What Can I Do to Get My Student with Autism to Like School Again?
We recommend speaking gently with your child or teenager and communicating that you're not angry but curious about why they don't want to go to school. If they believe you want to help, they are more likely to speak honestly about their feelings.
If your student with autism is displaying one or all of these behaviors, there are steps you can take today to change the course of their school career.
Organize a meeting with their teacher - by sitting down with their teacher, you can get valuable insight into the reasons why your student may be refusing to come to school from their perspective. It will also let the teacher know that your student may need to be handled more sensitively or receive extra attention to feel comfortable in class.
Brainstorm - many people with ASD struggle to "think outside the box" or realize there are many possible solutions to a problem. Sitting with them and gently prompting can provide invaluable insight. Creative solutions could be compromising on what music to listen to on the way to school, having an "I'm not OK" card that they can show to the teacher, or bringing a comfort blanket or toy with them.
Creating a checklist & reward system: after explaining the importance of school to your child, you can create a list of expectations to fulfill. Ideas include doing homework, getting dressed without being asked, or helping to make their school lunch. Caregivers should give their students praise when they do things correctly, as well as give rewards for entire weeks of positive behavior.
Join a support group - many parents find themselves in this position and think they are alone. This couldn't be further from the case. Online and in-person support groups exist, and parents can benefit from speaking to others who have had similar experiences to them.
Therapy - If school refusal persists over an extended period, or your student's behavior is deteriorating, the problem is unlikely to be resolved by itself. Therapy can be an excellent tool for both child and parent alike to learn new coping skills and gain a fresh perspective on the problem.
Switch schools - if you have identified that the root cause of the problem is the current school (perhaps it’s a lack of resources, possibly that the curriculum isn’t specialized to your student’s needs, or, worst of all, your child has fallen victim to bullying, an option would be to change schools. Read our blog on the signs it’s time to switch schools here.
Remember that you are not alone and there are resources available to you that can help make your life easier. Take a look at our Autism Toolkit with plenty of printable resources like bedtime routines, daily habit trackers, and much more.
If you are currently dealing with school refusal and are considering moving your student to private education, talk to us. Have a commitment-free chat with one of our team, or even arrange a virtual tour.
Our Autism Toolkit is packed full of practical tools parents & students can use daily, including tips, tricks, and how-to's for common everyday obstacles, as well as fun printable checklists for daily routines to help your child stay on track.
📔 The Importance of Routine
✅ Daily Routine Checklists
😴 Autism & Sleep Disorders
💤 Bedtime Routine Checklist
🛌 Bedtime Passes
🥘 Autism & Digestive Issues
🍎 Healthy Eating Checklist
And much more! Download your copy now.