The teenage years are a time of discovery, exploration, and individualization. During this time, teens find themselves going through the ups and downs of making friends, growing up, and fitting in.
How can you support your child while helping them become independent adults?
We have experience working with and teaching teens with autism and have learned a few things that are worth sharing.
They want independence
I’m not a kid anymore! Leave me alone! We have all said something like this as children, but it can still be tough to hear it from your own. Sometimes, it’s best to give your child space and independence. While they navigate new, unfamiliar situations at school such as making new friends and going through puberty, try to be understanding and let them have their space if they ask for it.
When teens go through changes, it may seem that they grow more distant, and finding ways to connect should be a priority. If they’re spending more time in their room or with technology, you can find ways to bond with them via game nights, starting a new TV series, or going out for physical activity to let off some steam.
They want you to appreciate them
As parents, it’s your duty to nag. Do your homework, clean your room, and brush your teeth! Nobody enjoys this part of the job, but it's essential nonetheless. Unfortunately, our kids don’t always appreciate the work we put in, and it can feel like we don’t notice the progress they’re making.
One tip you can try is to combine each reminder with something you’re grateful to them for. It can be anything, big or small, like thanking them for being thoughtful and opening the door for you. Or for brushing their teeth without you asking them. Focus on the good things they do and build on them.
We find it easier to see the negatives, but the more you practice this, the easier it will become. Being grateful and using positive reinforcement will not only make them feel noticed, but it will also build stronger ties in your relationship with your teen. Instead of feeling like you are nagging them, you are encouraging their positive behavior.
They want you to establish a schedule
Offering students with autism structure helps them feel confident and safe in their environment. Teens with or without ASD do best when they have a structured routine and schedule to create some consistency.
You can try creating a schedule for your teen with regular times for school, homework, therapy, snack, bedtime, and other activities. When implementing a schedule, try to keep the disruptions to a minimum, and if there are any, give them a heads up beforehand so they can plan accordingly.
Also, sticking to a schedule helps create predictability. Establishing this consistency in your teen’s world is a great way to help them not only become more independent, but also check off things in the to-do list while making time to grow and try new things.
They want to be in control of their emotions
Teens tend to feel a lot, and dealing with a wide array of emotions can be tricky at times, especially for children who have autism or other ASDs.
Observing and determining anxiety triggers can help you to intervene before your teen gets upset.
When you notice signs of anxiety creeping in, you can help them redirect with a relaxing activity, such as:
“I can see you are clenching your fist. Do you want to try a breathing exercise?”
“You look like you are getting frustrated. Do you need to walk away for a few minutes?”
“You look like you need a break. Would you like to get a snack or take a walk?”
Redirecting is a great way to help them become grounded to help avoid anxiety or outbursts. Once they have calmed down, you can have a conversation about what is making them feel stressed or anxious, helping them become more self-aware, and gaining more control over their emotions.
They want to know what the future holds
Just like you when you were a teen, your child is curious about what the future holds. For some, the options might be overwhelming, and for others, very limited. Regardless of where your child stands, it is important to talk to them about their future - what do they want? Where do their skills lie? Do they know? Students can start exploring this towards the later teen years, ideally getting hands-on experience in order to determine what they want to do.
That’s where our transition program, Lyfe Launch, comes in. It was created specifically for students with autism, helping them explore their passions and find a clear path to their future. Our dedicated team has created this inclusive transition program to help your teens prepare for life beyond high school.
The program supports students by exploring new skills, digging deeper into their interests, all while establishing and applying their skills to various interests in real-world scenarios.
For further details about our transition program and other services, visit our website to learn more.